"Whatever you did for one of the least of these..."

It’s been one of those weekends. You know the kind? …the kind when you don’t get to sit down and breathe for just a second. Or the kind when you feel like your to-do this is all but consuming. It’s been one of those weekends.

There’s something else that’s made this weekend difficult, too. It’s the evil that occurred in Connecticut on Friday. I’m pretty sure this is not a great thing, but I usually find myself able to separate “me” from the things I read in the news. Sure, I get sad for people who are sad, or I get frustrated with people who do silly things, but I don’t often get emotional reading news stories. The past 48 hours have been strikingly different. I can’t stop reading stories from Newtown. And I can’t stop crying over them. I know so many of you share my sentiment.

The overwhelming feelings from these news stories stayed with me as I attempted to lesson plan today and prepare to go back to my classroom full of precious children on Monday. Just a few minutes ago, I was reading work e-mails and looking through my curriculum…and I just had to stop. I couldn’t focus because of the overwhelming number of things on my to-do list. I got stressed out about teaching, about the expectations from people all over the school district and about the expectations I hold for myself. In that very moment when I closed my e-mail and put down my books, I took some time to think about all my kiddos. I thought about all the frustrating times I’ve had with them (and there have been many). I thought about all the time I’ve spent planning lessons for them. But most of all, I thought about the reasons I started teaching in the first place. They’re the same reasons so many people across the country choose to wake up in the morning to educate children and choose to stay up late each night grading, planning and preparing.

I know not every teacher in the country believes he or she has been called to this profession to serve the Lord like I do, but I still feel like all teachers are, in fact, servants. An educated child is one who has the capacity to one day make a productive citizen. A loved student is one who feels ready to concur the world.

I know it will be easy for teachers to look at the tragic events of this week and be scared or angry. But I want to share some encouragement – mostly because I had to do this for myself this weekend. A service to children and parents is a service to Jesus, who gave us life and a purpose. No matter how many years I serve in a classroom, I know they’re years that are for a greater purpose than my own. Jesus tells us that whomever we serve, we are in turn, serving Him. I take comfort in these words tonight.

Matthew 25:35-40

35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Whether or not the media or people around the nation believe it, the teachers who lost their lives protecting precious children or who are now scarred and scared forever, were indeed serving Jesus in turn. God bless every person who chooses to serve in any capacity each and every day. 

A WHOLE-heart perspective -- I wrote this almost ONE YEAR ago -- thank God for the last year :)

A WHOLE-heart perspective

I just found this on my computer as I prepared to write a new post. I wrote this almost ONE YEAR ago. I don't know why I didn't post it at the time, but I've learned so much since January 2012. So here's a little insight into my refection on a weird time in my life. Thank God for the last year!

Well, prepare yourself, ANLTL readers, because here’s another big dose of Lynsey’s honesty. Right now (or really for the past several months), I find myself in the midst of a battle. I’m using the word ‘battle’ instead of ‘war’ because it seems a little more appropriate – let’s face it, I (sometimes) have the tendency to be a little dramatic J In this case, the battle isn’t all-consuming and there aren’t numerous casualties. Thus, it’s a battle, not a war.

I’m writing this particular post because I think (and I’m pretty confident in this assumption) that many people are guilty of doing the same thing I have – in my case, it’s what started my battle.

I stopped seeking with my WHOLE heart.

I hear and have heard so many people quote Jeremiah 29:11 (Jesus knows His plans for you, and He promises you hope and a future). I love this verse too, and I believe it; however, I continually found myself going to another verse, just two lines away: Jeremiah 29:13:

“You will seek me and find me when you seek with your whole heart.”

That sounds pretty basic, right? Who could possibly seek with only a partial heart? I thought this as well. So, after I discovered this verse, I fell in love with it, and it stuck with me – or at least I thought it did…

I’ve made so many important decisions in the past several years regarding college, my plan of study, my career, etc. In all those, I went back to this verse and made sure that I was seeking with my whole heart. To me, that meant seeing big-picture, asking God to reveal his will, discovering how I could honor Jesus through each circumstance, and putting myself aside to serve others.

I’ve found that at age 24, my life isn’t exactly what I thought it would be. All those important decisions I mentioned earlier brought me to even bigger and more thought-provoking crossroads. I hate to admit that I don’t even know at what point this happened, but looking back, I now realize my WHOLE-heart perspective that I once prided myself in attaining, was lost. blurred

Some people don’t believe in revelations. But I do. I believe that sometimes Jesus knows his children (especially a child like me) need a BIG reminder of our BIG God. He gave that to me through the continuing verses in Jeremiah 29, and I am so grateful.

Seeking with our whole heart means sitting face-to-face with Jesus. It means giving up yourself to Him and for Him in every way. And trust me, friends, when this happens, the result is not always what we think we want, but I’ve come to find, the will of God is ALWAYS sovereign and perfect. It’s NOT seeking to keep your life comfortable, and it’s NOT seeking to get what YOU think is best. As a matter of fact, I’ve learned that seeking to have a WHOLE-heart perspective is actually about seeking to have your whole heart filled with Jesus’s love, grace and mercy. It’s HIS spurpose and will, not mine.

Blessings in Disguise

I noticed a trend as I was inspired to add to my latest ANLTL posts. The trend is Christian music. It really speaks to me. Don’t get me wrong, those who know me, know that other music speaks to me, too. You’ll never meet another girl who has a stronger desire to strap on my boots and dance the night away when I hear some swinging honky tonk tunes. However, my blog inspirations lately have been straight from the radio waves as I cruise in my car with more than a little on my mind. I’m fully convinced that Jesus is saying, “Lyns, here you go. Here’s a little something to calm your heart.” I love my Savior for moments like these.

I haven’t been listening to the radio much lately, but each time I have turned it on, it seems “Blessings” by Laura Story is the only song in existence – and I’m grateful for it. Sometimes I wish I were a songwriter. Read these lyrics – this is good stuff!

“When darkness seems to win, we know that pain reminds this heart that this is not our home.”

What if my greatest disappointments, or the aching of this life, is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy?”

As a teacher, I’ve noticed how difficult it is to separate your personal life from professional. Though 5^th graders don’t seem to realize it, teachers are real people, too. This real person (and teacher) has brought tremendous struggles to work lately, but the words of this song relate to both.

I’ve transitioned this year from an 8^th grade teacher to 5^th grade. I’m teaching reading to 74 5^th graders at an elementary school. Since so many of you read about the woes of last year, I should mention, I LOVE this school. There really is a sense of love and possibility. What a contrast to my school last year! I’m so grateful for an administration that cares about kids – after all, that’s why we’re there in the first place (you’d be surprised how often the child-first mentality is overlooked in public education). I also made it my mission this year to take my stress and just let it go. I lived a crazy life my first year of teaching. I don’t know how people put up with me. I determined this year would be completely different.

It is different. I’m evolving and growing as a person and teacher. I love that. However, I’m still teaching a group of kids who are a reminder each day that sometimes darkness seems to be winning in our world more than light. (cue “Blessings” lyrics now) The pain in my heart comes from hearing that the parent of a 5^th grader has already “washed her hands” of her son. Darkness seems to win when I hear words come out of my students’ mouths that I would never want my own child to know. I see complete darkness when a little boy doesn’t think twice about raising his hand to hit a little girl in school. Some people may think just these few vague examples are not enough to use such strong descriptors like “darkness” or “aching,” but imagine being reminded of the absence of true light each and every day. I’ve always imagined children’s eyes being the bearers of joy, innocence and hope; but now, I mostly see them as a yearning for so much more than I can give during a 7-hour school day – then I realized it’s a yearning for more than anything or anyone can provide here on earth – a “thirst this world can’t satisfy.”

Some of these same times of darkness are also my greatest disappointments. As a teacher, I want to solve the world’s problems one student at a time. However, did you really read those lyrics!? As Christians who seek to live a life where light (instead of darkness) wins, we do have an everlasting thirst that this world can never satisfy. I suppose this is where the rest of the song that I haven’t quoted yet comes into play. The pain that I feel as a Christian for the world around me is nothing compared to the pain Jesus feels when His children are aching or lost. He gives us His blessings when we are truly broken with a thirst and longing for things only He can satisfy. His blessings come through raindrops, trials and sleepless nights. That’s right, it’s when we’re at our weakest that Jesus brings us strength to share these blessings with others who may need them, too. I don’t know about you, but I’m there. I’m noticing my raindrops, trails and sleepless nights, and making sure to see the blessings in each.

Get some “Blessings” here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGniRk_GcLs

Here's the beginning of my 2nd year of teaching. A few pictures of my new 5th grade classroom in progress...

better than a hallelujah

I just completed my first year of teaching! No really -- I DID! I think I've been looking forward to June 10 since .... well, since the start of school! I don't think it has quite hit me yet, but my increasing free time sure is making me a believer.

My last post was in December. That's HALF of the school year ago! So... clearly I'm not going to win blogger of the year. I think I'm okay with that :) 

To sum up the past months would be nearly impossible. The months of December through April were the most stressful months of my life. I thought I had felt stress in college managing different events, studying for classes, and trying to figure out my future. Little did I know, I would look back at these events and laugh. For, the intensity, stress and seriousness of it all was nothing compared to my first year of teaching. 

The afore mentioned months were considered FCAT "crunch time" around our school. For those of you who don't follow public education, many people strive for you to view FCAT as just another time to gather data and check-up on students' learning. HOWEVER, don't be fooled :) FCAT (especially when you teach at a failing school, which is the case for me) is the culmination... the big kahuna... the biggest deal of the year... basically, it's IT. I could bore you with the "teacher speak" of all my testing preparations, but I shan't. Just trust me, I busted my booty to make sure my kids were as prepared as possible, just as they deserve. 

My call to teaching started with this phrase "one day all children in this nation will have the opportunity to attain an excellent education." That is the mission of Teach for America. I believe in the statement I just quoted. I believe that every child in this country should have an excellent, relentless educator. Moreover, I believe that every child deserves an educator who demands excellence from students. With that being said, we get to the title of my post today...finally, right?? 

I was taught and trained to teach based on so many amazing principles. I feel like I made some of those really work in my classroom: continually increase effectiveness, work relentlessly, etc. However, when the end of the school year came, I realized that this year was about more for me than academic successes for my kids and great professional development opportunities for myself. It was about life lessons .. cliche, I know, but oh, so appropriate here. Seriously, I'm a different person than I was in June 2010. How do I know that, you ask? Well ... Amy Grant told me so :) 

Grant sings "Better Than A Hallelujah" (see the link below). The chorus of this song says the following: "We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody. Beautiful, the mess we are -- the honest cries of breaking hearts." The song goes on describe moments that are "better than a church bell ringing" or a "choir singing out." How beautiful are these words?!?

I've had so many moments of misery this year ... just ask those people who I called each day in tears or frustration or honest defeat. I finally had to realize that ALL of those moments -- all the moments I wanted to give up or wondered why I started this journey in the first place -- were moments to shape me and show me that God loves the cry of my breaking heart. He uses those moments to turn into His glory. I hate to admit how long it took me, but I think this blog is all about honesty. I don't think it was until the beginning of April (yes, that's 8 months into the school year) that I realized how much greater the "little victories" were in my classroom compared to a huge, emotional "come-to-Jesus" moment. God hears every cry, every laugh, every thought. Even the smallest of things, are the biggest to a mighty and powerful God. I know the post is getting long, but hold onto your horses! I'd like to share just a few of the moments from this year that I started to realize were better than a hallelujah:

- My first period class looked like a zoo on this particular morning. No behavioral plan or management technique could stop the vulgarity and apathy oozing from within our classroom. So I let down my guard, and I cried. I cried in front of my students in sheer fear that this was how the rest of their lives would look. And I shared that fear with 13 and 14-year-old students. It probably wasn't complete understood, but they knew something had to change... better than a hallelujah

- I shared in a previous post that Student "S" and I had a little "run-in" our classroom in December. Technically, she committed a felony by assaulting me. I decided I couldn't press charges on a 13-year-old, lost little girl. Later in the year she left the school in order to work on a healthier environment and lifestyle for her pregnancy and new baby boy. The moment I called to tell her that she passed FCAT Writing after starting the year at a Level 1 ... better than a hallelujah

- Student "C" considers herself a star basketball player for our school. She dreams of attending FSU and playing for the women's basketball team. She also has never been able to afford proper basketball shoes. For some reason, I'd kept my favorite pair from my senior year of high school for 5 years! The smile on her face after I passed them along to her and told her that when she is a Lady Seminole that's probably the only time I'll cheer for an FSU team ... better than a hallelujah

- Student "A" started out the year "hating my guts" as she now recalls. We were different. She didn't like my voice. She thought I would never understand her. She wasn't used to someone keeping her accountable or making her work hard. Through much prayer on my part, she and I began to bond a little more each week. Two weeks before school ended, she asked me how she could keep working hard over the summer. "What can I do to be really good in high school, Ms. Williamson?" she asked. That question melted my heart. That particular moment itself was better than a hallelujah, but it got even better the next week when I handed her the new books and writing workbooks I bought her from Barnes & Noble, along with envelopes addressed to me so we could keep in touch over the summer. I've never seen a smile so big ... better than a hallelujah

I don't know what the future holds for me. My blog title "A New Life to Love" has taken on a whole new meaning recently. I face uncharted waters and many new decisions, BUT I will cling to this new life-lesson of mine, that God loves me and teaches me even in the moments where I'm breaking or at the end of a road. I don't have to be at my happiest point or saving a million souls, He meets me right where I am and sees my tears and fears as better than a hallelujah. 

Listen to the inspiration for this post, "Better Than a Hallelujah" by Amy Grant:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm5kx3xqmg0

For when I am weak, then I am strong!

I know that my faithful readers have been wondering where on earth has my blog gone!? – and by faithful readers, I mean my mom who acquired a taste for my blog this summer and who has not been satisfied in quite some time :) I have no excuses for my lack of connection with the blogosphere. I’ve told myself I’ve been too busy ever since I started teaching, but really I think it boils down to my fear of actually trying to put my experiences into words.

In my past entries, I’ve shared several encouraging Bible verses or songs, but today, I think it’s only appropriate that I finally share with you the verse that I’ve claimed as my “life verse” for several years:

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I picked this as “my” verse in middle school after a spiritual challenge given to me by a Bible teacher. I was told that a life verse would be something to always hold onto and make personal in times of joy or strife. Well, I never knew how true that would be for me. (I’ve found myself thinking this quite often lately!)

I need God’s grace now more than I ever have. And quite frankly, it is the only sufficient entity to get me through my days as a first year teacher.

As I haven’t blogged since before the start of the school year (oh, what high hopes I had for consistency with this blog!), I’ll give you a short synopsis of life: I moved to Jacksonville and am teaching three different subjects (Language Arts, Intensive Reading and Creative Writing) to 8^th graders at a K-8 campus in the northern part of the city. I never in my life imagined there could be such a challenge, but I still find myself getting out of bed daily, prepared to take on the world through the eyes of these 13 and 14 year olds.

The number of times that any form of the word “weak” appears in this verse should give you a clue as to what I’m about to say. Although I’ve worked incredibly hard to become a decent teacher (the part where I deliver necessary academic material to my pupils), still, my job is my weakness –- and by my job, I don’t mean teaching students to find the main idea of a story or to write in complete sentence. I mean my job that enlists me to enter a school everyday where kids are desperately in need of someone who believes in them. I mean my job where I’ve already filled out two separate police reports for incidences in my classroom. I mean my job where students know more about worldliness than I ever dreamed at that age. I mean my job where my heart broke as a student quietly begged me to bring her Orajel the following day for a painful toothache, because she knew her mom could not take her to the dentist. I mean my job that requires me to study not only the material that I’m teaching the next day but the students to whom it is being delivered.

I claim the above verse, because THANK GOD that HIS power rests on me BECAUSE I am weak. The fleeting hardships and persecutions I’ve faced in my classroom are the very things that make the revealing of Christ possible. My building-minded brother and boyfriend will like this next part :) I like to think of this analogy when I picture myself in my classroom (aka my mission field): A nail. I see it metal, shiny and pointy – pretty much everything it’s supposed to look like. BUT a nail is not serving its real purpose until it is hammered or beat down over and over again until it is holding together those two pieces of wood. How will the Lord’s work be done if we, as his missionaries, are not hammered down until we reveal HIS purpose?

My prayer is that I delight in these weaknesses, because the Lord’s glory is growing brighter with every passing day. 

Take a peek inside!

I may not have taken the time to share anything too exciting with you recently, but here's a peek into the room that has received my full attention... 

                                            Setting up my room before school started :)

 Our "Community Corner"supports the Ronald McDonald House through a can tab collection contest.

For the Kids!

Man, oh, man! It's been two weeks since I arrived in Houston and began my Teach for America Institute adventures! I don't even know where to begin explaining, but I guess I can start with the title of my post - For the Kids! So, there are interesting (and even the word "interesting" is a gross understatement in this case) dynamics encompassing my TFA Institute experience. As corps members, we learn new things every day -- and most days that turns into several new things -- some of which are overwhelming, frustrating or just simply AMAZING. Either way, most deliveries of the new tidbits of information are followed by choral "it's for the kids" reference from us. This is commonly abbreviated "FTK, guys. FTK." 

Although this phrase has grown into a comedic relief for our everyday relations, I'd like to take the time to explain the less nuanced and more vital meaning of these words. 

I am teaching a summer school class of twenty 8th grade students. Repeat - I am teaching a class of twenty 8th grade students!!! Phew! -- It took a while to sink in for me too :) Although the first week of my time in Houston was not spent in a classroom, I definitely feel like I've been with my students for more than 5 school days. I learn more and more about each of them every day -- whether that's during our hour of 2nd period together or when I'm back in my room at night reading their work. With every passing moment and with each word my students attempt to write, I realize that the "FTK" phrase  essentially describes the responsibility I have every single day to give my absolute best for these kids. 

These days I am describing of intense responsibility and urgency begin at 5:15AM and typically end around 11PM. I get up and get ready for work, eat breakfast, ride the bus and arrive to school at 7:15AM, have a planning hour, teach 2nd period, grade papers over a 20 minute power-lunch, sit in curriculum and literacy sessions/strategic meetings until 4PM, ride back to Rice, prepare and print my materials for the next day, eat dinner, lesson plan, evaluate and strategize about the individual needs of my kids and typically stop working around 11PM (of course, a quick phone call to Momma and Matt falls in there somewhere before bedtime). Sounds exhausting, right?! "FTK, guys, FTK."  :)

My mom put it best today when we were discussing how badly I miss home, but also about how much this experience has already meant to me. Although we both knew it wasn't 100% accurate to say I "love" my days so far from home, she said she could tell I was fulfilled. I have a brilliant momma! That's exactly it! I could write forever about each of my students (can you imagine what I'll be like in August when I have my own students for a year of school!?). I've never been so emotionally or physically exhausted. Especially after weekends like this one with balancing needs and expectations we have as TFA teachers with those of veteran teachers and school administrators, the "FTK" phrase will never be more appropriate -- nor will the description of fulfillment ever be tarnished by the experiences I've already had. And I have three more weeks of incredible learning and interactions to come!

I know that this post is not altogether specific about my every day happenings, but there truly is just too much to describe. When I've had a little time to talk to my sweet friends on the weekends, I unfortunately don't usually have much more to say than "it's just overwhelming -- and interesting -- and really awesome," because even this girl who loves to talk and paint a picture for my readers just can't put Institute into words.  I hope, at least, that each of you will be able to think about me and the students in whom I'm trying to invest deeply and utter a sincere "FTK" every now and then :) 

I'm excited to share more specific stories soon about my kids, as we're beginning the adventure of writing personal narratives :) Please keep my 8th graders in your prayers. I have some big hurdles to jump in the next few days as I customize plans for certain students in my class who are sadly so far behind where they should be to move on to 9th grade and continue high school to graduation and college!

"You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you. This I command you, that you love one another."


John 15:16-17